11 Things To Never Say To Kids About Food
You worry and worry wondering if you’re doing and saying the right things to your child to encourage only positive, healthy behaviors.
Negative body image…low self-esteem…eating disorders…anxiety and depression- VERY real and painful issues that you or someone you know may be dealing with.
What’s worse is that these thoughts and feelings can begin at a very early age.
Kids are very impressionable- you slip up once and there they are repeating your explicit words or bad habit. They’re watching and listening to us closely, and what we say and do in relation to eating and our bodies can have a big impact on their mental health and eating behaviors.
If you’re a parent of a baby, toddler or preschooler and are thinking, “This isn’t something I have to worry about yet,” STAY WITH ME. Yes, eating disorders typically arise in adolescence or early adulthood, but it doesn’t just appear out of thin air. We need to be thinking and taking action early on to try to avoid ever getting to that point.
Of course, there are many factors that we can’t control like sociocultural pressures, genetics, personality traits, school environment, childcare, friends and other family members. But what you say to your kids every day at home around food and eating can make a difference, positively or negatively. Below are 11 things to avoid saying when talking to kids about food.
11 Things to Never Say to Kids About Food
1. “Cookies are bad but fruit is good.”
Foods do not possess morality. And eating a certain food has nothing to do with being a “good” or “bad” person. Let’s not label food as anything. It’s just food.
If your child is asking for cookies (for example) and you weren’t planning on having cookies for snack, try to be neutral and matter-of-fact. Instead of saying, “No, cookies are bad/unhealthy/junk,” you can simply say, “I know you want cookies, but we’re having [blank] for snack right now.“ Or if you were planning to have cookies for snack, then your child will be delighted :). Again, just be neutral about it.
2. “You have to take at least one bite.”
Nutritionally, this does nothing for them and the pressure may just make it a negative experience.
It’s very normal for kids to be hesitant to try new foods and change their food preferences often. Your job is to offer nutritious meals, and it’s up to your child to decide if they want to eat it or not. I’m telling you, the pressure will not help.
What about encouraging your child to try just one bite to see if they like it? How can they know if they’ve never tried it, right?
I understand wanting to encourage your child to have an open mind about food, and that is okay. But if it turns into a negative experience or an argument, end it. Also, there are things about a food that the child may need to warm up to before they feel comfortable tasting it – like the smell, appearance or texture.
3. “You have to clean your plate.”
Instead of encouraging your child to finish their meal, encourage kids to listen to their hunger and fullness cues. This allows them to eat as much or as little as their body is telling them it needs. Kids are very good at this if we let them be, and it’s extremely important to be in tune with your body’s signals for lifelong healthy eating and weight stability.
Also, try to avoid saying “good job” when the child finishes their plate. This implies that they would have done a bad job if they didn’t finish their plate when really they still did a great job of listening to their body and stopping when they were full.
4. “If you eat your broccoli, you can have ice cream.”
This sends the message that ice cream is superior to broccoli and makes the child view broccoli as less. The goal is to teach your child that all foods can be enjoyed equally. To take dessert off the pedestal, try serving it with dinner, right alongside the other foods. It’s okay to say “no” to seconds of dessert.
Ditto to other food rewards such as promising candy if your child stops crying at the store. Although this helps in that instance (which I understand because that is really stressful), it also teaches your child that this behavior will get them candy. Instead, tell your child before you go into the store that you expect her to behave. If she does, she will get a (non-food) reward, like a puzzle, book or extra playtime. Sticker charts can work well in this situation for preschoolers and older.
5. “If you don’t eat your dinner, you will not get dessert.”
Again, this is putting pressure on the child to eat, even if they aren’t hungry or don’t want to try what is offered. This makes mealtime a negative experience and can create feelings of fear and anxiety every time the child comes to the table to eat. Instead, let them eat what they want and still allow dessert if you planned it. Again, if dessert has power over your child, try serving it with dinner once in a while. Above all, keep mealtime positive.
6. “You should eat fruits and vegetables to keep your weight down.”
Research shows that when parents have weight-related conversations with their child (such as discussions of their size, their weight being too high, or the need for weight loss/maintenance) is associated with an increased risk in developing an eating disorder in adolescence. On the other hand, discussions only about healthy eating may be helpful in preventing or reducing dieting and disordered eating behaviors. Research also shows that dads are big influencers- so we need to make sure that dads know to avoid any kind of weight-related conversations with their child. This applies no matter what size and shape your child is. Your child’s pediatrician has a role in this, too, and you should make sure they are on the same page when (not) discussing weight in the office.
Instead of talking about eating for weight-related motivations, focus on eating to feel healthy inside, get taller and stronger, perform our best at sports and think clearly in school to be smarter.
7. “Eat your broccoli because it’s healthy.”
For one, they might not know what that means exactly. And if they don’t end up liking broccoli, then they may think that all “healthy” foods won’t taste good to them. Rather, encourage them to eat broccoli because they might like it, it’s crunchy, it’s a bright green color like the Hulk, it looks like little trees or it helps keep our eyes healthy and bones and teeth strong.
Other examples of positive food and nutrition talk:
- “Calories are energy for our bodies so we can do all of the activities we love to do.”
- “Protein-rich foods help you grow taller, get stronger and do well at sports.”
- “Iron-rich foods (like meat, chicken, eggs, beans, nuts and seeds) help oxygen travel through the body and give us enough energy to play and learn.”
- “Whole grains, fruits and vegetables contain fiber which helps us poop regularly. They also give us vitamins, minerals and super plant nutrients that keep our bodies working well – like good eyesight; strong bones and teeth; a sharp brain to remember things better; and a strong immune system to protect our bodies from getting sick. “
- For more ways to help your kids understand the benefits of vitamins and minerals, visit kidshealth.org. Click here for vitamins. Click here for minerals.
8. “Ew, I can’t believe you like that.”
Don’t make judgments about your child’s food preferences. My daughter creates some interesting concoctions with her food sometimes and eats them (hey, it’s all going to the same place), but my husband will say “EW” and make a face- and I have to remind him sometimes to just let her be. She’s learning and experimenting. Just because something doesn’t look or taste appealing to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t for someone else.
Also avoid, “you won’t like that.” You’re making up their mind before they even try it. Even if they didn’t like it in the past, kids’ preferences change often, so let them decide for themselves.
9. “You want MORE!?”
This implies that you can’t believe he/she is eating that much – that just makes someone feel bad when you should encourage eating to hunger and stopping when full. Kids may eat a lot some days and not much other days. It all balances out. We as adults may do the same thing. No need to make a big deal about it. When you talk to your child, think about how you would feel if someone spoke to you that way.
10. “I have to go workout to burn off dinner.”
This sends the message that exercise is a punishment. Love your body, workout when you want to, workout to be healthy, to get strong, to have fun and because it makes you feel good. This will trickle down to your child so they can have a healthy relationship with their diet, exercise and body image.
And speak positively about your own body in front of your child. Celebrate others’ differences instead of criticizing them. Your child is listening and can learn to criticize themselves and others.
11. “I’m going low carb this week.”
Don’t talk about the latest diet you are following in front of your child. If you are limiting carbs or calories, even if you are losing weight in a healthy manner, it’s not good for kids to hear their parents talk about cutting out food groups or calories to lose weight because guess what…they are going to either feel like they should be doing the same thing or may feel bad about eating the foods that you are avoiding. It’s best to follow a balanced diet so the whole family can share the same meals.
Here are some more examples of phrases that you shouldn’t say in front of your kids. If you do say negative phrases like this out loud or in your head, try something more positive and gentle. Talk kindly to yourself like you would a friend.
“I can’t believe I ate that. I blew my diet.” (Eating food doesn’t make you a failure. Try “I’m glad I ate that because it was delicious and made me feel good.”)
“I feel so guilty about eating that cake.” (No need to feel guilty. It’s okay to eat the cake and enjoy it, too!)
“I’m so fat. I’m not eating today.” (Try “I’m beautiful the way I am and my body needs nourishment every single day.”)
“If I eat that, I will get fat.” (False. Not one food or nutrient will make you gain weight.)
“I’m going on a cleanse” (Please don’t go on a cleanse.)
I know you want your child to be physically healthy (as do I), but a healthy relationship with food and a positive body image is just as important as eating a healthy diet. With a little knowledge and A LOT of support, we can make a difference.
Resources
If you are concerned that your child is showing signs or symptoms of an eating disorder, speak with your pediatrician and get help ASAP.
To learn more about eating disorders, check out these resources:
National Institute of Mental Health
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
If you’re FED UP with diet culture and want to make peace with the whole eating process (for yourself and your child), get in touch with my friend and colleague Emily Craft, MS, RDN, LDN at getfedupnutrition@gmail.com. She works with women and girls to get back to enjoying the eating experience in a mindful way. Also follow her on Instagram @getfedupnutrition!
For those with babies, toddlers and preschoolers who need more guidance on feeding and fostering a healthy relationship with food, I recommend the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter.
What are your thoughts and experience on this? I would love to hear from you! Comment below or send me an email at jaclynrogers@theknowledgetonourish.com.
**Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may make a small commission at no cost to you. I only recommend products that I use or would use with my own family!
Sources
Berge JM, MacLehose R, Loth KA, Eisenberg M, Bucchianeri MM, Neumark-Sztainer D. Parent Conversations About Healthful Eating and Weight: Associations With Adolescent Disordered Eating Behaviors. JAMA Pediatr. 2013;167(8):746–753. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2013.78
Eating Disorders. (n.d.). Retrieved May 26, 2020, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/eating-disorders/index.shtml
Hart, L., Damiano, S., Cornell, C., & Paxton, S. (2015, July 2). What parents know and want to learn about healthy eating and body image in preschool children: A triangulated qualitative study with parents and Early Childhood Professionals. Retrieved May 26, 2020, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4487845/
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