4 Ways to Model Body Love

Body love had always been a foreign concept to me. But I remember the very moment I decided to call a truce with my body. To stop:

• Body checking every time I see a mirror
• Criticizing every perceived flaw
• Aiming for a smaller pants size
• Weighing myself every day to see where my worth stood
• The anxious thoughts when my body didn’t look the way society said it should

It was about a year after I had my first baby. I felt the pressure to get my body back to the way it used to look. Like many moms, I was struggling with how my body had changed postpartum. One night, I was looking in the mirror and felt my anxiety go through the roof. I fell on my bed in tears. I NEVER want my child to feel the anxiety and body distress that I have felt for such a huge part of my life.

I wanted out. I wanted to make peace once and for all. To be able to stand in front of the mirror, accept every belly roll, every perceived imperfection, and be okay with my body no matter what it looked like. I know how important it is to model this for my children. I know how big of an impact a parent or grandparent can make on a child’s relationship with their body (whether it’s directed at the child or not).

Little comments like, ‘I can’t wear shorts because my legs are too big’ or, ‘I have to lose so much weight before I can be seen in a bathing suit’ are internalized by children. They think, ‘If my mom isn’t happy with her body, then that means I shouldn’t be happy with my body either.’ Other actions can send a nonverbal message to a child that they shouldn’t accept their body for how it is. That they should be critical of themselves and should fear weight gain and body changes. They may even think they need to take action to ‘fix’ these perceived flaws by dieting and exercising to change their body. This is so scary and dangerous. It’s not the path any parent wants their child to be on, and yet, we struggle so much with how to set our kids up for a healthy relationship with their bodies.

What’s the Big Deal?

Research shows that children as young as 5 years old internalize messaging about bodies being good or bad. Even if we think they’re not paying attention, they’re paying attention. Their impressionable minds are like powerful sponges that soak up our attitudes, beliefs, and world views. And children who learn about body hierarchy are at risk of struggling with a disordered relationship with food. According to Common Sense Media 80% of 10-year-old girls have been on a diet. On the other hand, children with positive body image tend toward better eating habits, an active lifestyle, and greater self-confidence.

So how can you be sure not to pass on any subconscious body shame to the littles in your life?

4 Ways to Model Body Love

The first step is to remember that you are an imperfect human doing the best you can with the tools you have. Forgive yourself for the ways you may have been less than a positive influence in the past. Practice self-compassion so that you can learn from your mistakes and move forward with a new intention.

Be A Body Love Role Model

Especially when it doesn’t feel easy or comfortable. Remember, those ears absorb more than you think! Your relationship with your body has the biggest impact on your child’s relationship with theirs. Making comments like, ‘Who could find me attractive in this body?’, ‘My arms are too big to wear tank tops’, ‘She shouldn’t be wearing that outfit, what a shame’, or  ‘I avoid carbs because they make you fat’ reinforce the idea that there is a right way to have a body. While these comments intend to protect them from a society that’s fatphobic, they don’t allow for self-acceptance or authenticity.

 

PRO Tip: Remove the word ‘flattering’ from your vocabulary!

Expand the language you use to speak about yourself and others as more than just a body. Celebrate non-physical attributes like creativity, curiosity, and kindness that you admire. This will help your child detach a person’s worth from their appearance.

Express Gratitude

It can help to reframe our negative self-talk into appreciation for what our bodies allow us to experience in life. Shifting attention to the functionality of our bodies validates that they’re meant to be celebrated, not critiqued. Affirmations like, ‘I take care of my body, and my body takes care of me’ can also be a useful part of a body love practice.

When you catch yourself about to say something negative, finish it with something positive:

• ‘My thighs are jiggly AND they take me places like the park, the beach, etc.’
• ‘My belly is soft and squishy AND it lets me laugh with my friends.’

Normalize Body Diversity

Bodies come in all shapes, colors, abilities, and sizes. But the media we consume often only highlights the white, thin, able-bodied ones. That’s why it’s important to diversify the input your children consume. Normalize things like stretch marks and cellulite. Divorce health from weight; they are not synonymous. Neutralize the word ‘fat’; it’s an adjective and a noun, not a feeling. There are a wealth of books, movies, and other resources out there. Choose ones that emphasize that all bodies, regardless of their appearance, are good bodies.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Weighing yourself, mirror checking, exercising to ‘earn’ and ‘burn’ food, and dieting equally influence behaviors. They also impact the lens through which children view themselves. They’ll be more likely to pick up on and remember things they see that are emotionally charged than the ‘lessons’ you preach. Your intuitive eating and joyful movement are the best teachers to arm your child in our body-conscious world.

In the end, we can only take our children as far as we’ve come ourselves. If you are a parent who struggles with body love, consider counseling with me. Together we’ll equip you with skills to protect your child from society’s harmful messaging. You can also join my Facebook group to receive support along with other body-love-inspired moms!